Teacher: OK boys! Now that the Western forces are defeated and pushed out of our beloved country, let’s focus on studying Islamic science. We need to study hard so that we can catch the rest of the world. Before explaining today’s lesson, I would like to ask you a scientific question. Who invented electric power?
Hameed: Sir, it was Thomas Edison, an American inventor, I guess.
Teacher: You should get out of the class right now. Anyone mentioning America will be kicked out of the class without any further delay. Remember kids! It was our great leader, Mullah Omar, who invented electric power and the lamp bulb first. Now, listen to the story carefully.
Years ago, it was a dark night in Kandahar. In the middle of the night, Mullah Omar decided to go to the washroom. He asked his aide to light a candle. The aide was so lazy that he ignored the mullah’s order. Frustrated, the mullah prayed to God for help. All of a sudden, he found a button on the wall. When he pressed it, the room filled with yellow light. And this way, both power and lamp bulbs were invented.
Naseer: Sir, don’t you think the power and bulb was already there? I think Mullah Omar just figured out where the button was.
Teacher: Do you know how gravity was discovered by Isaac Newton? He was sitting under an apple tree when an apple fell on his head. He discovered gravity. Today, no one argues that the apple was already on the tree and Isaac just revealed something out of it falling. Only because he is a Western kafir. But when it comes to our great leader, people doubt his scientific achievements.
Wahid: Do you mean gravity was discovered by Isaac Newton, a Western scientist?
Teacher: No son! Gravity was also discovered by Mullah Omar but he was too shy to claim it. The story is long but I can assure you that he was the first person to figure it out.
Faizullah: Has anything been discovered by the Western kafirs at all?
Teacher: Nil! They are only good at claiming. They control Google. So, all they do is manipulate the facts and claim Islamic achievements.
Sher Khan: I believe Google was also invented by Mullah Omar. How come kafirs control it?
Teacher: Kafirs are supposed to end up in hell. God needs a reason to put them there. To facilitate that, Mullah Omar agreed to give Westerners full access to Google, so that they can wrongly claim things and go to hell. It is just a trap.
* Musa Zafar is a satirist and journalist.
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