By Musa Zafar
Rina Amiri, the U.S. special envoy for Afghan women, girls, and human rights, recently met with the Taliban after “having been urged extensively by Afghans and human rights defenders” and intends to continue engaging with the group in the future, again because we “extensively urge” her to repeat this mistake. I personally believe that because Ms. Amiri was raised in the U.S. that she might not fully understand the distinction between humans rights defenders in Afghanistan and those in other places. Here, I share some characteristics of Afghan human rights defenders with her.
Ms. Amiri,
It is true that human rights defenders in Afghanistan, like all other humans, have two hands and two feet and breathe (if allowed). However, they differ from those who self-proclaim themselves as human rights defenders in other places.
– One distinguishing characteristic of Afghan human rights defenders is that they do not take lives. To verify whether someone is truly a human rights defender, give him an empty gun and then point to another person, saying that the person is a Hazara, a defence ministry employee of the former government, an atheist, or a homosexual. If the individual pulls the trigger, you can be certain s/he is a fraud and has put on a facade.
– Introduce yourself as a woman. If the person advises you to wear a large tent-like veil and forces you to smell the world through its holes or tells you that work and education are religiously forbidden for women, avoid meeting with her/him. S/he is a Taliban member.
– If the person’s name is Mahbouba Seraaj, disregard her. I swear she is not a human rights defender.
– Introduce yourself as an Afghan and U.S. citizen at two different times. When you present yourself as Afghan, if the person’s veins pop up and s/he starts checking her/his pockets for a whip with which to lash you, s/he is not a human rights defender. If the person, while you are presenting yourself as a U.S. citizen, opens her/his mouth wide, asking for money or diplomatic relations, be assured you are meeting the wrong person, again.
– Meet the proclaimed human rights defender at a girls’ school building. If he grinds his teeth and starts looking for a yellow barrel with which to explode the building, you are not dealing with a genuine defender.
– Serve the person a dish of meat with some salad. If the guy eats all the meat but completely ignores the salad, s/he/ is a fake human rights defender. Genuine defenders normally know what a salad is.
For now, pay attention to these characteristics to differentiate between the genuine human rights defender and the impostor. In the case that you see a candidate smoothly passing through these tests and is still demanding U.S. engagement with the Taliban, rest assured that you are the one seeking relations and simply want to paint the wall with our oil.
Yours sincerely,
Musa Zafar
