By Musa Zafar
From the perspective of the Taliban, God has put great effort and diligence into creating men, making them in a way that requires no editing or grooming. All they need to do is refrain from bathing, avoid trimming their facial hair, and wear traditional clothing. The rest is just perfect.
However, God has not bestowed the same precision upon women. He has endowed these beings with unnecessary features and parts. To cover-up God’s errors, the Taliban have established laws to conceal women’s imperfections with pure sharia.
Here are some extra parts of women according to the Taliban:
Feet: From the Taliban’s point of view, there is no need for women to have feet. Feet are meant for walking, and anyone who walks eventually needs to step out of the house for some purpose. It is OK if a man has feet and ventures outside. But why should a woman?
Half a brain: The Taliban believe that women are intellectually deficient, and their brains function only at half the capacity of a men’s brains. Even if their brains were to function fully, women do not need to utilize their entire intellectual potential. If a woman is restrained from studying, working, or thinking and her only task is to care for seven children and one idiot husband, what is the need for a complete brain?
Face: The Taliban believes that if women didn’t have eyebrows to shape, lips to bite and express their sexual desire, eyes to wink, cheeks to kiss, or hair to touch, men would never be misled or aroused. Therefore, women’s heads are extraneous, and it is better for them to remain veiled under burqas or not exist at all. The latter option is preferred, but the United Nations raises objections. So, for now, it’s best to keep them veiled.
According to the Taliban, the remaining parts of women do not pose significant problems. If their faces, feet, and brains were removed, the remaining parts are manageable. Women’s shoulders are suitable for carrying burdens, their hands are useful for household chores, and their bellies are necessary for giving birth. Although they do not need breasts, and it would be best to have a small pipe for breastfeeding, but for now, they will allow the original design.
You see how kind and considerate the Taliban are in upholding the full rights of women? They could think of removing other parts of women as well, but they said to themselves, “No. Such narrow-mindedness and donkey-like thinking is not good. We should have the capacity to tolerate and bear some of God’s extra creations. Perhaps there is hidden wisdom in them.”
Musa Zafar is a satirist and journalist.
